Some of us have a need for control over others & ourselves...

Others are habitually giving up their control to others...

Need to Control: A Self-Assessment

DIRECTIONS:  Review the following reasons you may feel the need to control people, places & things in your life. Put an "X" next to those reasons usually true for you.

_1. If you control other people, they'll do what you want them to do.

_2. It's a way to keep everything orderly, precise & predictable, so that you don't go crazy or insane.

_3.  You hate to be out of control or to lose your control.

_4.  If things don't go your way, then you feel you'll have to work harder or have to struggle to reorganize & correct them.

_5.  You have a hard time seeing people you care for hurting because their lives are out of control.

_6.  You hate to have people see your true feelings especially if they're angry, unpleasant or negative so you struggle to control them & keep them in so as not to upset others.

_7.  You're on the watch for being taken advantage of by others.

_8.  You're afraid of being manipulated or led into doing something you really don't want to do.

_9.  When you see something or someone who needs to be fixed, you often step in.

_10.  You came from a dysfunctional or crazy homelife & you have no desire to repeat it in your current homelife.

_11.  You have an image, dream or ideal of the way things are supposed to be & you work at trying to get it to be that way.

_12.  You're afraid that if you don't take care of things, things will never get done.

_13.   You feel if "you don't do it, then no one will.''

_14.   You're afraid that everything you have worked for will be lost, so you take control to ensure this doesn't happen.

_15.  When you feel intimidated, you compensate by taking more control of the situation.

_16.  You find it difficult not to help when you're presented with a person or thing which appears helpless & out of control.

_17.  You tend to hold to an "it's my way or the highway'' approach with people who don't do what you want them to do. You hope this will ensure they change their bad behaviors.

_18.  You're frightened, scared or nervous when things seem to be crazy or out of control so your first impulse is to take charge.

_19. You want everybody in your immediate life to be happy & you'll do whatever it takes to make it so.

_20. You know how hard life can be on those who go into it unprepared & unaware,  so you do whatever it takes to make sure the people you care for aren't taken advantage of.

INTERPRETATION:  If you checked 3 or more, you have a tendency to overcontrol the people, places & things in your life.

Control Mechanisms: A Self-Assessment

DIRECTIONS:  Here are some ways in which you control people to do for you the things you could do for yourself. Put an "X'' next to those behaviors usually true for you.

_1.  You act helpless, incompetent, or lost.

_2. You make the other person feel very important & essential in your life.

_3. You tell them reasons which are a lie why you couldn't get things done.

_4. You feel self-pity & act out the belief that you have done everything for everyone in your life so it's your turn now to be taken care of.

_5.  You act tense, anxious & stressed out & incapable of caring for yourself.

_6. You resort to threats of suicide or self-destruction to get others to care for you.

_7.  You give others a set of conditions they must do for you before you'll give them acceptance, care, or approval.

_8. You offer them rewards if they'll do what you want done.

_9.  You threaten others with withdrawal of attention, support, affection, or approval if they don't do what you want done.

_10. You withhold your involvement, attention & concern if they don't do what you want done.

_11. You play on their sympathy & concern by being a pathetic martyr, overworked & unappreciated victim.

_12.  You play on your physical or emotional illness, be it real or perceived, to get them to do for you.

_13. You play on their need to be needed to get them to take care of you.

_14.  You play up to their guilt & overresponsible nature to get what you want.

_15. You act dependent in order to give the other a sense of importance & value in helping you.

_16. You fall apart when faced with having to do something which you'd rather not do.

_17.  You play up to a person who has a need to fix things that things have gotten so "out of control'' for you.

_18.  You promise to change or reform the behaviors the other wants you to change in order to get what you want out of the other, never meaning to change or reform.

_19. When you sense another person is pulling away from you, you feign a problem or need which you believe will get that person involved with you again.

_20.  You act as if you have forgotten to do something which you know the other will do for you.

INTERPRETATION:  If you checked 3 or more items, you overuse control mechanisms to get people to do what you could do for yourself.

Now find out if others are controlling you to do things for them they could do for themselves. Go back and put an "X" next to those statements true for people in your life. If 3 or more are checked, then you're being overcontrolled by others to do for them what they could do for themselves.

okay...you know how this works... having an emotional response that's "controlling" might be:

• using intimidation to instill fear
• using humiliation to embarrass
• using fear to render someone helpless

Which one do you use? Try this self assessment out to see what it says about you & your need to control!

Emotional Response: A Self-Assessment

_5. You don't avoid letting others know if you're angry with them & yet you don't blow your cool in the telling.

_6. You can show enjoyment, excitement & enthusiastic feelings when the event appropriately calls for such a response.

_7. You're able to openly cry & grieve a loss event in your life.

_8. You're able to do anger workouts over old, unresolved