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welcome! to emotional feelings, too!
after looking things over here at emotional feelings,
too, try out "the layer down under," (part of
the emotional feelings network of sites) & read a special "i just gotta say it" column concerning porn addiction by clicking here! Be sure to scroll down towards the bottom of the right hand column to find it!
Visiting the homepage is a great idea as it offers the complete concept of the emotional feelings
network of sites! You can also read this month's "I've just gotta say it!"
| read, "i've just gotta say it!" |
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| click the box below!!!! |
click here! Bob Woodruff: Turning Personal Injury Into Public Inquiry click here!
I was personally very touched by this inspiring story as I watched it on
television last night (2/27/07); especially after I experienced a life altering injury which took me 2 years to recover from.
What I want to ask you is...
If you can't help out with the helmets, below for our military men, can
you volunteer or help our returning soldiers who are recovering with extreme traumatic brain injury?
Here are some links!
Check them out, I know that my family will be searching for a way we can help!
Those experiencing traumatic injury may develop problems with their mental health.
What is Operation Helmet?
Founded in 2003 by Dr. Robert H. Meaders whose grandson is an active duty Marine in Iraq, Operation Helmet is a nonpartisan 501(c)(3) organization dedicated
to providing safer helmet pad upgrade kits to the troops in Iraq & Afghanistan.
To date, more than 6,000 kits have been shipped to the troops in the field.
| click this bar to visit the website... |
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| you can help our troops! |
How this site works best for you!
You'll
notice that there are many underlined link words in each article below. The reason for this is that you have reached not only, "emotional
feelings, too," but the emotional feelings network of sites. There are many sites
included within the network that'll be visited by clicking on these underlined link words.
If you can't find what you came
here looking for, visit the homepage for the emotional feelings network of sites by clicking above & read the options on
the homepage for the networks index of sites. Try to be specific when looking for an emotion or feeling word & click on the site you need!
It's very simple & very
interesting to follow your way thru the layers of your buried or stuffed emotions & feelings that have accumulated throughout the years!
when you've reached this point, or this website, you know you're making
progress!!!! this part gets difficult because now is the time to look within & become emotionally honest with yourself!!!
Best of luck & if you're
still stuck, send me an e-mail anytime, by clicking here & I'll be glad to send you an immediate personal response!
Sincerely,
Kathleen
  
Two writers recently collaborated
on a book called Relationships, interviewing 300 couples in the course of their research. "Everyone,"
said one of the co-authors in summary, 'is looking for a close, one-to-one relationship."
However making such close relationships last is difficult because, the authors concluded, people have the freedom to choose close relationships other than lifelong marriage.
What did the authors mean
by a "close" relationship? a "one-to-one relationship"? One of the first things we run into
when we talk about close relationships is the fact that the word means different things
to different people.
Our understanding
of what close relationships means depends on our experiences & our expectations of relationships.
For many people, close relationships means just one thing, "a sexual relationship." For example,
the "personal column of a local weekly entertainment publication recently listed 129 ads & most requesting correspondence
from people interested in "relationships".
Most of them focused
on physical attractiveness etc.
When we form close relationships, how important is it for us to go beyond the "physical" in understanding what a good human relationship can be.
Each of us has experienced
different levels of relationships. Sometimes it's hard to know what close relationships
& nurturing friendships really are.
It's this freedom to "be ourselves" that makes our relationships close.
Most of us hide our real selves, or some aspects of our real selves, in various habits or patterns we learned early in our
close relationships.
Sometimes this is conscious, but most
often it's the unconscious ways we react to others that block intimacy in our important close relationships & prevent us from becoming
or staying very close to one another.
Developing Intimacy: the pathway to close relationships.
A doctor who works w/couples who have
sexual problems said that intimacy is:
"the mutual belief of two people that what's hidden between them hurts their close relationships & what's revealed between them can only help their relationships."
You may have a different definition
of intimacy, but whatever it is, you need to know what intimacy is really about, otherwise you'll fail to understand the basis of close relationships.
The greater the degree of friendship in
close relationships, then the greater the degree of trust, acceptance, freedom to be oneself, love for the person of the other, assumption of responsibility for one another & respect.
Good friendship accepts the other person as he or she really is, not as what each needs & wants the other to be. Good friendship w/in close
relationships is nurturing:
"it allows each person to be oneself, to be loved for that & therefore gives support for that person to continue to grow in becoming the person
he or she needs to be."
Close relationships
are those in which we can be ourselves. But how does this kind of friendship happen?
Think of a good friend you already have had. Certainly, when you first met, you didn't feel that complete openness to be yourself. You might even have disliked that person because of your own barriers to
intimacy.
"She must be stuck up"
- she carries herself like she's too good for everybody else!" or "he really acts as though he's
God's gift to women."
But when you got to really know the person
you realized you were mistaken.
To become close
there's a certain process you go thru:
"One of you has to make a first move, taking a risk to be friends, revealing oneself, a little bit - perhaps even feeling a little foolish; the other responding in friendliness & not rejection & a little trust is established between you."
Is this the developing of a close relationships?
That good friendship
really then keeps growing thru a series of risk -takings & acceptances in the formation of close relationships - where one of
you can reveal more about your own feelings & the other person accepts you.
Trust grows,
enough so that one of you reveals even more, to find acceptance once again from the other person. Hence a further step in the development of close relationships.This
process continues until each person begins to feel that " I can really be myself w/you".
Does this describe any of the experiences
you've had in the formation of your close relationships?
Deep & abiding intimacy is at the heart of all close relationships & is the life
breath which sustains these close relationships. Intimacy between two persons - using the word intimacy psychological & emotional sense , not in the physical, sexual sense - is a very special
kind of experience in all close relationships.
We need intimacy, but intimacy is rarely total & complete. We want it & we have to work at it. We possess it by degrees.
When we find great intimacy with even one person in our close relationships,
we're indeed very fortunate. Once discovered & experienced you've found the true nature of all close relationships.
Maintaining Intimacy
When we find good
friendship in our close relationships, how
do we keep it? How do we build intimacy in the ongoing changes which inevitably occur in all close relationships.
Often the
critical tension in maintaining intimacy is the conflict we often face between seeking our own personal fulfillment & the need to foster & maintain our close relationships.
It's a tension
between how much "me-ness" & "we-ness" shall exist in our close relationships. If relationships
are to last, they have to be part of our own personal fulfillment, not something that hurts our growth.
Yet one of the difficulties
in building close relationships is that we have learned to see "giving" as somehow hurting our own needs for personal growth.
Also, most people think about marriage or intimacy as something we can find & then keep - like a beautiful house we find, move into & live in happily ever after. We learn to think of close relationships like some kind of destination we arrive at with another.
Close relationships aren't "found": there's no such thing as a permanent state of intimacy.
As Carl Rogers described it,
the "good life" is a process of being, not a state of being". Close
relationships are also this. The "process of intimacy," if we can call it that, consists of habits of openness, acceptance, trust, revelation with another - habits which we must continue to work at if love is to stay alive & to grow.
Vital communication, acceptance, trust & ultimately commitment are actual tools & links that keep two persons living within these close relationships
as they travel together thru personal & social change.
Intimacy can grow with these tools if the relationship is giving. Intimacy can't exist in close relationships that are primarily needing, looking to the other
for rewards.
how to get closer in a conversation
by adam khan
The following is based on
the excellent research of Brant Burleson. Here is how to get closer to your mate in a conversation:
1. Start w/the intention to benefit your mate. This is more important than it seems at first. It's, in fact, the foundation for everything else. Give up on what's in it for you. Be committed to trying to make this conversation help her — truly & deeply benefit her. Not just make her feel good (although that is certainly nice). Not just flattery. Try to help her become genuinely happier & saner.
2. Be curious about her. Be interested. Try to find out what makes her tick. Ask lots of open-ended questions. These are questions that
can't be answered with a yes or a no. You don't only listen so that you can help. Listening itself helps.
3. Imagine yourself experiencing
what she's describing. What would it be like for you? How would you feel if it happened to you?
4. Ask questions about her
feelings. "I would have been afraid if that happened to me. Were you? No? How did you manage not feeling afraid?" Or, "You must have been shocked." Explore her feelings.
5. Pay special attention to any utterances of feelings. Don't let them go by unexplored.
6. Never tell her what she
should think or make her feel wrong for anything. Don't invalidate her in any way.
7. Keep the conversation more
about feelings & less about opinions. Feelings are the core of closeness.
8. Keep the conversation more
about personal experiences & less about "world events." And even when it strays to subjects of interest, keep the conversation
about her personal feelings about them & why she has those feelings.
9. When you communicate, try
your best to communicate your feelings rather than your opinions. Reveal yourself. Reveal your feelings. Reveal your intentions.
10. Be honest. Don't shmooze her. Don't give insincere flattery or in any way deceive her, even for a "good reason."
Want Closeness? Avoid These 11 Intimacy Killers - By Lori Radun, CEC
As human beings, we all have
an innate need to be close to someone. But sometimes the very thing we desire is the opposite of what we have. Some of us subconsciously sabotage the relationships we want because of our fear of intimacy. Sometimes we unknowingly & unwillingly drift apart because of our inability to engage in the delicate dance of intimacy. Others avoid intimacy altogether because the pain of past failures is too great.
Intimacy, physical & emotional closeness, is tough to navigate our way thru. It takes skill,
hard work & commitment. I wish I could tell you it's easy once you know how. True intimacy is tough to achieve, but who says the best gifts are easy to obtain?
In all honesty, I'm certainly no expert on how to maintain & nurture closeness, but I have learned
11 things that'll definitely kill intimacy in a relationship.
Dishonesty & Silence
Intimacy requires honesty & openness. It only takes one lie to destroy the trust in a relationship. To be close
to someone, we need to be able to share what is true & real about us. And we must be willing to hear someone else’s truth.
Sometimes we think that it's best to not say anything at all if it means it may hurt our partner. So we silently hang on to our truth or share our truth
with the wrong people. When we do this, there's no opportunity for the relationship to grow with integrity.
Lack of Trust
Sometimes
there's no dishonesty in the relationship, but still a lack of trust exists. Perhaps healthy trust
has never been a part of your life, or maybe a painful event in life has fractured your ability to trust.
A person must heal from their past & base their decision to trust someone on the present actions
of a person. Deem people trustworthy until proven otherwise.
Desire to Change People
True intimacy necessitates acceptance. Having acceptance of yourself & your partner is a powerful indicator of love. It doesn’t mean you have to like everything, but you need to let go of the need to change another person.
When we lack acceptance of another person’s qualities, our tendency is to control. That control manifests itself in disapproving feelings & sometimes even pressuring people to change. To feel close to another person, you must feel unconditionally accepted for who you are.
Inability to Express Your Needs & Feelings
Unfortunately we, as humans, don't have the power to read minds. Therefore, we have to rely on our partners to communicate with us & vice versa. It's each person’s
responsibility to express their needs & feelings.
By sharing who we are &
what’s important to us, we significantly increase our chances of having our needs met. On the other hand, if we repress our needs & feelings, we shut the other person out of our world & make intimacy impossible.
Not Listening
Communication is a 2-way street. Many of us have no problem talking, but listening poses more of a challenge. Listening requires us to hear our partners with our heart. An added step to listening is acknowledging what we have heard. Are you really hearing your partner’s feelings & needs?
Or are you thinking about how your partner is wrong or how you want to defend yourself? If your partner is constantly communicating the same need or feeling to you over & over, chances are you aren't hearing your partner with your heart.
Self-Centeredness
The minute you decide to enter into a committed relationship, the moment self-centeredness becomes a thing of the past. Intimacy requires there to be a balance between self, the other person & the relationship. It’s not about just you anymore. You have to take the feelings & needs of the other person & the relationship into consideration. Decisions about money, routines, free time, children, time, etc. now have to include your partner’s input.
Lack of Respect
Chances are if you lack respect for your partner, your intimate life probably suffers. To respect means you hold a high opinion & highly value yourself or another person.
You appreciate & show consideration for people. The closeness of intimacy needs a general feeling of respect for self & your partner. It also means you need to behave in a way that deserves respect. You can't expect your partner to respect you if your actions don't warrant respect.
Imbalance of Power
There can't be one person in a relationship that sees him or herself as more
important than his or her partner. A relationship consists of 2 people with perceived equality. That doesn’t mean one person
isn’t smarter, more knowledgeable about certain topics, or has greater strengths in certain areas.
It means the difference isn't highlighted,
flaunted or disrespected. Having a balance of power requires each person to have equal say in a discussion. It means the
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