"Someone asked Junayd: "Slave of God who yet are free, tell me how to reach a state of contentment." Junayd replied: "When one has learned through love to accept."

Al-Junayd

"Making Peace with Contentment"
by Connie Habash    http://www.awakeningself.com

How many times have you heard it said:

 "I'd really like to relax for a while"

or

"I wish my life would just calm down a bit".

Most of us long for more peace in our lives - less hectic-ness, no upsets, nice & easy-going.

Yet it hardly ever seems to work out that way. There's drama at work, there's challenge in our relationships, deadlines to meet, bills to pay, children making a mess, neighbors blasting music, gridlocked traffic - the list could go on.

Then there's the issue of "having it all."

Whether it's to get:

• the house we want
• the relationship we've dreamed of
• the perfect job
• the healthy body
• or even spiritual enlightenment

- there's always something "out there," just out of our reach, that we want. We spend a lot of time striving to get it. And it seems that what we have is never quite enough, or never just right.

So besides the challenges of the external circumstances in our lives, internally we're often dissatisfied, frustrated, or impatient for things to be different.

This is usually what we're searching for underneath the external "stuff" - a feeling that everything is pretty good & we're generally happy. Wouldn't it be great, we think, to just sit back & be able to say, "aaahh. This is good. I like my life just as it is."

In Sanskrit, the ancient language of India, the word for contentment is Santosha & it's described as one of the key components to success on the path of self-realization.

It's the prerequisite to experiencing peace. TKV Desikachar, a world-renowned yoga master, describes the meaning of Santosha as accepting what happens. Simply accepting whatever life offers you & learning from it.

It's also accepting ourselves just as we are. There's no need for me to be different than I am & there's no need for my life to be any different in this moment. 

The well-known author, Helen Palmer (of books about the Enneagram, a personality typing system) describes contentment as balance:

"being able to stabilize attention in the present & feeling the satisfaction of having enough."

This is Santosha. It's about an inner feeling the satisfaction, of fullness, in the present moment, so that the events & things of the outer world don't set us off balance. When we're in a state of Santosha, even our desires are quelled by the inner feeling of contentment. With contentment, we can feel inner peace.

Sounds wonderful, doesn't it?

The problem is, most of us somehow avoid opportunities to feel contentment.

• If you have a free weekend, how often do you rush to try to fill it in with something?
• If you get a new job, how quickly does it lose its appeal?
• When we're single we want to be in a relationship
• When we're in one, we often long for the freedom that comes from being single.

And then, internally, when we make progress in learning something, or getting healthier, we're still not satisfied. What's so unappealing about contentment that we avoid it like the plague?

One misconception is the idea that if we become content, we'll be bored. Nothing very interesting will be happening in our lives. And then what would everyone else think? Or how would I be able to stand it if there wasn't something "exciting"?

So we go out & create something, decide we want something, or get involved in a drama & it does seem more interesting, for a while. And then we're right back into feeling frustrated, dissatisfied, or worse - depressed, hurt, or angry.

The truth is, when we feel Santosha, life actually gets much more interesting! We begin to enjoy the simple things in life - folding the laundry, listening to the rain, smiling at someone on the street.

We begin to see things differently - how abundant our lives really are, how good it feels to truly breathe, what relationships are precious to us. Contentment heightens our appreciation & experience of what is & therefore enriches us deeply.

We have less need to go out & get something new & enjoy more of what we have. And we feel happier with who we are, because we can better see the wonderful qualities we already possess.

On the other hand, some people turn their noses up at the idea of contentment because they fear they'll become "slackers". There's a belief that if we aren't constantly running after goals & desires, we'll just sit on our rear ends & become slugs.

A reasonable assumption - after all, it does take energy & motivation to create our lives & change things for the better. 

The problem is, when we have things in mind that we want to achieve, possess, or change, there's a tendency to have expectations.

And you know the old saying - "expectations lead to disappointment". Sure, it would be great to have a new job. But if we're expecting to get a certain one & then that doesn't happen, what happens to our inner peace?

Sometimes, it can be devastating. It's great to have the idea of being healthier, but if we want our bodies to look like someone else's & then it just doesn't come about, how do we end up feeling?

Comparison & attachment to outcome can turn the good intentions of having goals for ourselves into feelings of failure & inadequacy.

When we're content, it doesn't mean not to have goals in mind, things we want to strive for. The difference is that when we're in a state of Santosha, we're unattached to the results & there's no comparison to anyone or anything else.

We retain our inner balance when a relationship doesn't work out. We may grieve, but we feel grateful for the experience & open to what the universe has in store next.

We become open to outcome, rather than fixed on one particular result. It actually opens us up to explore & experience more in life. 

When someone doesn't act they way we want them to, from a place of Santosha we can more easily let it go & thus are more likely to respond appropriately to the situation. And perhaps the greatest benefit - "failures" no longer get us down.

We simply see them as one stepping stone on the pathway to the next. We no longer define ourselves by what has happened in the past, or what we haven't yet experienced - we become whole & complete for who we are in the moment.

That is a feeling of contentment.

Contentment is not equal to boredom or stagnancy - in fact, it will deeply enrich your life. So invite it in, practice it, even in your most challenging moments. No, it may not be easy to cultivate, but when you do, a feeling of inner peace will follow.

Allow yourself to savor the sweetness of Santosha & you'll find yourself deeply satisfied with much of what your life has to offer. The present becomes precious & the future becomes filled with possibilities beyond our imagination.

 ©2004 by Connie Habash

One of the deepest desires in the human heart is to live a life that is both productive & fulfilling. To make a vital connection with other people & God & with life itself. As our world spins faster & faster toward the new millennium, it seems like there are many things that militate against this kind of life fulfillment.

Everybody wants a piece of us. There are unceasing demands for our time, our attention, our money. Our "plate" is full to overflowing & it seems that many people are racing just to catch up w/themselves & their commitments. It's an uncomfortable, unfulfilling feeling. Disconnected, out of control.

My observation is that as people struggle to balance their desire for fulfillment & productivity with life’s demands, they find themselves in 1 of 2 conditions. One, I will call "skimming" & the other "grasping."

Skimming is the state of being that occurs when we're skidding across the surface of life; Ed calls it "hitting the high spots," we're ultra busy, overcommitted, exhausted. We're covering a lot of ground, but not touching down very often.

Not connecting w/those we love, not feeling that fulfillment that we so desire. Meanwhile, the kids are growing up, the folks are growing old & God. . .well, who knows what God might be up to.

I’m afraid to ask, because I’m sure it'll just lead to one more demand. "Skimmers" are prone to be activity addicts, or adrenaline addicts. We live for the next rush of excitement or the next crisis, or even the next rush of being needed or in demand.

People who are adrenaline addicts can't just "be." They have to "do," or they think something is wrong. Many people even create extra work for themselves, or create a crisis, just to keep moving, keep the rush.

Not too long ago the Fort Worth Star-Telegram reported that firefighters in Genoa, Texas, were accused of deliberately setting more than 40 destructive fires.

When they were caught, they said, "We had nothing to do. We just wanted to get the red lights flashing & the bells clanging." Without "action" their life seemed meaningless.

Are you skimming over the surface of life, while life itself is passing you by?

Or are you grasping desperately to get hold of life, as it slips through your fingers? Many of us are grasping--reaching--trying desperately to fill an emptiness that just won't quit.

When I use the word "grasping" I don't mean greedy. I’m referring to that uncomfortable, uneasy feeling that there's just never enough. Never enough time. Never enough money. Never enough love & affection.

Never enough appreciation for who I am & what I'm doing. Out of this emptiness comes a desire to get a grip on life itself, to get some measure of control when circumstances seem to be spinning out of orbit.

Sometimes our desire to control leads us to some pretty bizarre & even destructive behavior that actually makes life worse. For instance, when Steve Tran of Westminster, California, closed the door on 25 activated bug bombs, he thought he had seen the last of the cockroaches that shared his apartment.

When the spray reached the pilot light of the stove, it ignited, blasting his screen door across the street, breaking all his windows & setting his furniture ablaze.

"I really wanted to kill all of them," he said. "I thought if I used a lot more, it would last longer." According to the label, just two canisters of the fumigant would have solved Steve's roach problem. The blast caused over $10,000 damage to the apartment building. And the cockroaches? Steve reported, "By Sunday, I saw them walking around." (ibid, 13)

For Steve, it was cockroaches. For others, the intense desire to control leads to explosive anger, domestic violence & even murder. But even the nonviolent ones among us may have to acknowledge that they exert inappropriate control when trying to salvage a relationship or help someone else solve a problem or make changes in their life. And all of this, just to avoid facing the emptiness within.

Now, lest you think that preachers are immune from such problems as grasping & skimming, let me tell you about my life. I've recently taken on new responsibilities w/the Committee on Ministry - which means more phone calls, more paperwork, more meetings; I've been vitally involved in the activities &