what not to do when experiencing confusion....

alcohol....

have you been drinking alcohol to cope {self medicating is what you call it } with confusing emotions or feelings that you don't know what to do with?

Drinking the alcohol just makes the confusion fade away for a little while, doesn't it? - no, the confusion is still there - you just aren't thinking about it when you're drinking...

alcohol can affect the body physically in many many ways. it aslo affects the mind & thinking processes, causing a great amount of confusion of thoughts as well as adding to your life more confusion because of the poor choices made when under the influence of alcohol...

Finding Direction

Confused about how to move forward in life? Chicago author Sonia Choquette says, Just Trust Your Vibes  by Sonia Choquette

The first thing you need to do about developing your sixth sense, or psychic pathway, is forget everything you know — or think you know — about the sixth sense. You can’t go along w/5 sensory types who think that six-sensory people are crazy or just plain weird. You simply can’t lock the sixth sense out of your life.

Even Leonardo da Vinci, one of my all-time favorite six-sensory people, was considered a nut & a heretic by his five-sensory associates. Same goes for Thomas Edison & Walt Disney, among others.

Of course, the world has reconsidered & now recognizes these men as great creative, intuitive geniuses, but five-sensory people still regularly discount the sixth sense because their egos will do anything to stay in control. But instead of worrying that you’ll look like an oddball if you let on that you have vibes, be happy about it. This means that you’re progressing beyond the 5 sensory norm.

And Trusting Your Vibes

If you want to trust your vibes, you must absolutely “get” that you have a psychic sixth sense that picks them up, even if it’s dormant right now.

Your sixth sense is your natural inner genius & even though you might not believe in it, it’s normal to be a spiritual being guided by the universe. Six-sensory, psychic people know this; non-psychic, five-sensory people don’t. So, if you want to live a higher way, stop doubting when your intuition speaks to you, stop ignoring your sixth sense when you feel it & start accepting & appreciating your vibes when they do activate.

Second thing, in order to have a six-sensory life, you must come up w/reasons to listen to your intuition. Intuitives like me know that listening to your vibes is practical, saves time & connects the dots of your life. It even improves relationships.

Best of all, trusting your vibes relieves you of worry; that alone should be enough of an incentive to get your sixth sense up & running.

The good news is that today, as we march firmly into the New Age & science recognizes that the sixth sense is real, it’s much more modern & intelligent to get with it & learn to trust your vibes as natural gifts, rather than seeing them as alien.

What science & spiritual law now agree on is that each & every one of us is a six-sensory creature & everything in the universe is interconnected. We psychically influence each other at all times & those of us who live in a higher way know this as a fact & don’t question it.

Ray of Intuition

Let’s talk about a real-life example. One of my seminar students, a shy & somewhat introverted 46-year-old engineer named Raymond, was just beginning to open up to his intuition. He couldn’t quite believe it could actually show up & help. For months he joked w/his friends about how he'd like to avoid the dating scene, saying, “I’d just like to push a button & make my dream gal appear.”

Reverting back to his old five-sensory rules, Raymond worried that his dream girl would go away just as strangely as she’d appeared. But Raymond missed the axiom that says, “90% of what we worry about doesn’t come true.” His dream girl didn’t abandon him. The couple is now engaged to be married. Raymond is learning.

Synchronicities are not flukes or random events. They’re intentional reflections of our intuition working w/the perfect order of all things in the unseen world.

It’s why fish swim upstream, birds fly south & bears hibernate. Everything in nature intuitively gravitates toward what best serves its growth & that includes the human race. The only difference is that we have the choice to follow our intuition or not. So if you want your sixth sense to work, stop resisting your vibes & change the rules you live by instead.

I can’t imagine life w/out my vibes leading the way. I’m so accustomed to listening for inner guidance that I wouldn’t know how to direct myself without it. It would be like being blindfolded on a gorgeous day; why would I want to miss the beauty around me?

Those who are disconnected from their sixth sense are handicapped & unnecessarily so. Why would you purposely ignore a compass & map & wander in the dark?

I have a confession to make: The reasons for my campaigning here aren’t entirely selfless.

Have you ever been on a highway when someone enters & drives in the wrong direction, or goes well below the speed limit, or changes lanes sporadically because he’s afraid or doesn’t know where he’s going? It creates chaos & annoyingly throws everyone else out of sync.

The same thing happens to a 6 sensory person like me living in a world filled with 5 sensory control freaks who are afraid to get in the flow. It breaks my stride, bogs me down & can be really irritating. So my roadster self is definitely invested in getting everyone up to speed so that I can travel the psychic highway without running into energy roadblocks or traffic jams.

I know this sounds selfish, but in truth, it isn’t. It feels great to get into the flow of life & go where I really want to be & I just want everyone else to join me there. If we're to evolve as a race & live together on this planet in any semblance of harmony, we need to overcome the fear that comes from following 5 sensory rules.

The only way to make this happen is to embrace spiritual law & connect lovingly to each other by using our 6th sense. Throwing away the very tool we need to do this leaves us in the Dark Ages.

You can continue to be held hostage by following 5 sensory laws & questioning or doubting your 6th sense, but sooner or later you’ll realize that the 6-sensory train to the future is going to great places. You may be left standing at the station.

Don’t worry if you’re afraid; it’s normal when you enter the unknown. You can be afraid & still evolve. It’s not feeling fear that stops you - after all, everyone feels fear at times - it’s hiding your fear that gets in the way. That concealment takes all of your energy & leaves none for enjoying your life. So make friends with your fear & then go for it!

The preceding article is adapted from Trust Your Vibes, © 2004 by Sonia Choquette, published by Hay House. Sonia Choquette (http://SoniaChoquette.com), a Chicago author with books published in more than 23 countries, will be appearing 2 to 5 p.m. Dec. 11 as the keynote speaker for the Chicago chapter of the International Association for Near-Death Studies at Evanston Hospital, 2650 Ridge Ave., Evanston, Ill. Suggested donation: $20. Call 847-251-5758 or visit http://www.chicagoIANDS.org.

Confusion

as a symptom of a physical problem

Not knowing what day or time of day it is, not recognizing people or surroundings, not remembering events of minutes or hours ago. Usually happens because supply of oxygen or glucose to brain is disrupted.

Confusion is one of the symptoms of Hypothermia (dangerous loss of body heat, person's abdomen feels cold); this is an emergency, so give First Aid. if confusion comes on gradually after a fall or a head injury & is accompanied by abnormal sleepiness or drowsiness, numbness or weakness, or headache & nausea cause may be a subdural haemorrhage; appropriate action is consult your doctor if there's no improvement in 2 hours.

Sometimes the symptoms of a subdural haemorrhage are difficult to distinguish from those of senile dementia, although generally speaking the confusion, patchy short-term memory & personality changes which accompany senile dementia are of slower onset; in some cases, however, these symptoms maybe due to vitamin deficiency rather than senility (see nutrition in the elderly).

Other conditions which may be responsible for confusion are high blood pressure, hypothyroidism, hypoglycaemia (usually from lack of food), or a brain tumor. It should also be remembered that alcohol & drugs have considerable capacity to cause confusion in the elderly, as have infections.

Confusion & indecision at such a time of change can be paralyzing.

Confusion in Illness

Cancer

When thought processes are disturbed & a person has trouble thinking & acting appropriately, he or she may be confused.

People With Cancer May Become Confused for a Number of Reasons:

• Low blood sugar
• Fever
• Spread of tumor into the brain
• Fluid surrounding the brain
• Lack of oxygen to the brain
• Excess calcium in the blood
• Excess pain medication
• Intense pain
• Change in environment
• Nighttime hours

In most cases, the confusion is reversible. Most people who are confused will benefit from having familiar people around them. If the person you're caring for suddenly becomes confused, call the doctor immediately.

The following suggestions will help family members assist a person who is confused.

What to Do

• Establish communication by touching & facing the patient during conversation
• Stay within a few feet of the patient during conversation
• Tell the patient who you are
• Turn off the radio & television during conversation
• Talk slowly, using short statements
• Orient the patient to day, time, & people in the room
• Keep a calendar & clock within view
• Tell the patient when you'll be doing something, such as changing the bed & explain each step as you go along
• Play soft, soothing music when the patient is alone
• Keep the room well lit
• Label commonly used items with pictures. For example, put a picture of a toilet on a bathroom door.
• Protect the patient you're caring for from injury
• Put side rails on the bed if the patient might get out of bed & not know where he or she is
• Help with daily activities, such as washing & going to the bathroom, if they're difficult for the patient to do alone
• Check to see if the patient is eating. Sometimes a confused person may forget to eat.
• Check the medications taken by the person you're caring for

Do Not

• Speak too quickly
• Do anything to the patient without explaining what you're doing
• Leave the patient alone for long periods of time
• Play the radio & television together or loudly
• Leave medications within the patient's reach

Call the Doctor About Any of the Following Symptoms

• Sudden or worsening confusion
• Violent outbursts

Revised: 2/6/01

When Kids Don't Have a Straight Answer

All adolescents struggle with issues surrounding sexuality & sex.

But the pressures on gay & lesbian youth are far greater due to the isolation & confusion many suffer. Paul Sathrum of NEA's Health Information Network spoke to Karen Anderson & Dusty Porter of the American Psychological Association on health issues affecting gay teens.

Do gay teens face more significant health issues than other youth?

Like all youth, gay & lesbian adolescents are navigating what can be difficult & confusing years. But unlike other youth, many gay teens are trying to find their way w/out the necessary support systems.

Consequently, studies have found a higher rate of risk-taking behavior among these students.

For example, a national study on adolescent health indicates that lesbian, gay & bisexual youth reported higher levels of:

• emotional distress
• greater use of marijuana 
• earlier sexual debut

Gay & lesbian youth are at higher risk for using alcohol & other drugs, becoming a teen parent & of having made a suicide plan or attempt.

Most alarming is the significant rate of HIV infection among young men with same-sex partners.

From July 1998 to June 1999, 50% of all HIV diagnoses among adolescent males aged 13-19 were attributed to this.

Why is it so critical to recognize the specific needs of gay students?

Many gay & lesbian teens face violence & harassment at school.

• a reported 69% have been verbally, physically, or sexually harassed at school
• as many as 28% of all gay youth in high school drop out to escape such treatment

School personnel need to recognize that hostile hallways are a health issue, as well as a legal one.

Gay teens often report a sense of isolation & lack of visibility & the fact that relatively few messages are targeted to gay teens compounds their sense of isolation.

For example, what does the message of "abstinence until marriage" say to a gay teen?

One possible conclusion they may come to is, "I don't have to wait because I won't be getting married."

By not developing messages that are specific to gay teens, we potentially could be placing them at greater risk.

It's important to note, however, that many gay & lesbian teens have sophisticated coping & resiliency skills, according to recent studies.

These students use a broader range of coping resources than their heterosexual peers & may be more likely to develop greater interpersonal problem solving skills.

Realistically, is it possible to identify students who are gay?

This is difficult because there's no single standard to determine gay & lesbian youth.

Should a definition be based on attraction, behavior, or identification?

Depending on which standard is being used, the individuals identified may be vastly different.

But we do know that gay & lesbian youth are coming out at earlier ages. Only a few years ago, the age of self-disclosure was between 18-22. Now gay youth are coming out as early as age 12.

This trend may be due to increased media visibility & availability of resources such as the gay, lesbian & straight student organizations that are forming to help young people attempting to deal with their sexual orientation.

What can schools & school staff do to address the health issues of gay & lesbian youth?

First & foremost, it's imperative that all school personnel ensure that the school is a safe & healthy place to learn.

• Harassment, whether physical or emotional, has no place in the school building & school policy should clearly dictate that such incidents against gay & lesbian youth should be dealt with as severely as those involving any other segment of the student population.

Keep in mind that gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered & questioning youth are as diverse as any other segment of the population.

• Stereotyping perpetuates misinformation & results in a large percentage of gay & lesbian students being overlooked.

Assess your own feelings & behavior regarding gay & lesbian youth & examine your approachability.

• Whenever possible, use language that is gender neutral, especially language regarding sex & sexuality. Neutral language assures students that you're open & willing to support all youth, including gay & lesbian students.

Remember that school personnel can be powerful role models.

• If staff allow jokes & inappropriate language to go unchallenged, it sends a message that this type of behavior is acceptable.

Stay informed about local resources for gay & lesbian youth.

• This way, if you're confronted with a situation that you're unsure about, you can refer the individual to sources of community support.

Finally, assess all school services to see whether they're inclusive or exclusive & if they're addressing the needs & concerns of gay & lesbian youth. 

 

Remember, as w/other sensitive social issues, we may never fully agree on issues around sexuality. But we must create a safe environment for all students.

confusion in death

Grief is a complex emotion. It's much more than just the intense sadness that people expect.

Fear, anger, guilt, shame, regret & confusion are all common parts of grief.

The death of someone close to us can activate our own fears of aging, vulnerability & death. Survival fears, buried since childhood, are often brought to the surface.

No one wants to experience anger at such a time, but people commonly do feel anger as part of their grief. They can feel angry at the very person whose death they're mourning.

They might feel anger toward a person who's blamed for the death, or even anger toward God. Guilt is very common, even when it's completely unwarranted.

If there was a sense of dependence, then shame & low self-confidence can come up. Grief also brings old regrets to the surface.

ABCD's
American Born Confused Desis

Last week I met my half American cousin at a wedding for the first time & the term American Born Confused Desi which we used often took a whole new meaning.

It was Carol’s first visit to India & she was scrutinized under a microscope & each action was evaluated. The scandal in the family when her father married an American was relived & gasped at again.

The girl was put in the worst possible situation. If she spoke in English she was ‘showing off’. If she attempted to speak in our mother tongue she was being artificial. If she wore a western outfit she was brought up without any idea of Indian culture, If she wore a sari or ghaghra like the rest of us it didn’t suit her indo-western looks.

All this brought a host of questions in my mind. Aren’t the poor kids being judged for their parents (ill) actions? Instead of being the proud bearers of two different cultures aren’t they being forced to justify each & in a way belong to neither?

In my cousin’s case her father’s inherent Indian-ness didn’t let him bring her up as a complete American kid. She was brought up with stories of India, our relatives, the same bedtimes stories of Ramayana & Mahabharata that we slept off to, yet she failed to be completely accepted by her Indian relatives.

Though outwardly everything was peaceful there was a reserve & she could feel it. They always remembered at the back of their minds that she had an American mother, went to Church & read the Bible & feasted on beef too. That made her ‘not really acceptable’.

The main reason behind this kind of behavior in the Indian society is the deep rooted narrow mindedness which is prevalent even today. The only difference today as compared to earlier is that while earlier the differences were out in the open, nowadays it's hidden behind a smoke screen of civility & tolerance.

Though undeniably the acceptance level is increasing it's never total acceptance. Inter-religious marriages are still frowned upon. And the ones on whom the axe falls is the second generation of people many of whom were born out of an inter-racial marriage.

Although the acronym ABCD used to describe second generation Indians is somewhat clever, it fails to explain the difficulties of being raised with 2 distinct cultures. Believe it or not, our biggest problem isn't trying to figure out how to do a dance fusing Indian & Western moves to the re-mixed version of Khaike Paan Benares (SP?) Vala.

Unfortunately, though, people rarely address what makes my generation also "Confused Desis."

Why does this occur? Is it out of the difficulty of balancing two different cultures or is the pain due to the inability to be accepted in either?

One problem is that we lack a dynamic & flexible definition of what it means to be Indian; instead, we are expected to fit into a narrow mold & when you don't fit into that mold, problems arise.

One characteristic that makes up this mold is religion. Most people of our parents generation & even many who have recently immigrated, generally define Indians as Hindus. Non-Hindus, namely Muslims & Christians, are seen as people who aren't quite Indian enough even though Indians proudly boast about the religious & ethnic diversity quite visible on the sub-continent (the poster at the CAI booth at the International Bazaar that depicted all of the faiths represented in India is an example of this).

Despite such boasting, how many CAI-sponsored celebrations have we had for Eid or Christmas? None that I can think of. Only passing on elements of Hindu culture gives people of my generation a skewed representation of who makes up the Indian community, deprives us of a well-rounded view of Indian culture & fails to recognize the contributions of non-Hindus.

Not only do we learn a one-sided view of history & culture, but parents usually pass on a rigid version of Indian culture that often makes demanding expectations on ABCDs.

Being on the Dean's List, getting high SAT scores & excelling in math & science are seen as essential elements to an Indian's identity.

Moreover, parents prohibit their children from heavily adopting American culture. Enjoying superficial things such as pizza, movies & music is ok, but when it comes to serious things such as dating & marriage, parents enforce strict Indian guidelines.

Parents are shocked when / if they discover that their children are dating or that they've actually chosen to marry someone whose not only from a different state in India than your family, doesn't speak the same language, isn't the same religion, or worse, isn't even Indian, despite the fact that ABCDs imbibe American culture day in & day out.

The scenario is even worse for people born out of what is termed as a ‘mixed marriage’. They're often brought up to know & recognize both cultures. They are as familiar with the Bible as w/the Gita. Yet many conventional Indian families still hesitate in accepting a child who arises out of such a marriage.

They have an ingrained notion that they would be wayward never mind that they might have been brought up more strictly than their peers back home.

Moreover, parents & the community pass on a sugar-coated version of Indian culture. ABCDs are encouraged to enjoy Hindi films, Bhangra & dance parties, but discussing or even acknowledging that social ills such as domestic violence, rape, teen pregnancy, drug abuse & communal & racial tension exist in the Indian community is rare.

By avoiding these issues, the community creates a false impression that such issues don't affect the community & if someone of my generation (or any Indian) experiences one of these problems, they know they will be ostracized by the community if others find out.

ABCDs create dual identities to balance the rigid values sanctioned by the Indian community with aspects of American culture. Indian children often lead two separate lives. For parents & the community, ABCDs show the ideal Indian child persona who excels in school, does Bharat Natyam & can recite Sanskrit Shlokas.

For friends (& sometimes siblings), ABCDs show their hidden persona who dates, goes to bars & dance clubs & is obsessed about whom to go to prom with. ABCDs must lead these double lives to avoid incurring the wrath of their parents & to avoid becoming the subject of a gossip session that might go something like this.

The scene: A weekend dinner party where two aunties, bubbling with venom, are gossiping:

"So, did you hear?" says aunty number one.
"Jyotsna's daughter, Susie didn't get into medical school. Now she wants to move in with her boyfriend … & he's American, I always warned her to drum some Indian sense into her daughter. That’s what comes of giving your children these American names"
"Hai Ram!" exclaims aunty number two.
"I don't know what I would do if my daughter ever did such a thing."

Unfortunately, my generation is guilty of the same crime. In our close-knit cliques we gossip about a variety of topics even though we complain about the parents who do it.

Although the picture I'm painting for ABCDs might seem grim, there are a number of benefits in having your feet in 2 worlds, but for ABCDs to fully enjoy them, the Indian community must address the above issues. And parents, LIGHTEN UP. I'm sure your entire family's honor or the wellbeing of your family's future generations won't be jeopardized if your children bring home a date, receive phone calls from the opposite sex or even choose a profession in the arts.

Until then, American Born Confused Desis will continue to walk the windy, difficult path between the Indian & American culture & remain confused souls.