What is Confidence?

While not rare, confidence isn't as widespread as it appears. And, like arrogance and egotism, for which it's often mistaken, confidence is frequently viewed as stronger and more offensive than it is.

Most who understand confidence, however, recognize that, unlike arrogance and egotism, it's a positive element and a valuable one. Confidence can significantly influence one's success in many endeavors and those who possess it in reasonable quantities are clearly better off for it.

Curiously, in its purest form, confidence is almost undetectable. Like courage it quietly interacts with a number of other (usually positive) elements, ultimately empowering the host.

Cowardice, fear, self-consciousness and shyness are some of the negative elements that contrast with confidence.

about confidence

the confident person

You have a positive outlook on life and look at each new day as an opportunity to learn, to experience the world and to adventure life. You aren't overly aggressive and pushy, but you look forward to new challenges and learning from your mistakes.

You speak up for yourself, but without arrogance. You feel like you have a mission in life and are able to evaluate options and make decisions.

Even when you make a mistake, you don't see yourself as a failure - you know everyone isn't perfect. You may have a had a failing, but your "self" hasn't been attacked. You're still whole. As my father always says:

"Life is like driving a car on the highway: As long as you're holding onto the steering wheel you can steer around the potholes and ride over the bumps. But always keep going."

You don't allow others to control you, but you don't feel the need to control others.

You don't hide when confronted, but you don't look for fights.

You can cope effectively with the realities of life and have a healthy self-assertiveness. The feeling of self-confidence comes from an inner feeling that you're a capable person and that you're able to deal with the curve balls and difficulties that life throws your way.

You don't look at them as problems, crisis or difficulties, rather as challenges and opportunities for personal growth.

Confidence . . . thrives on honesty, on honor, on the sacredness of obligations, on faithful protection and on unselfish performance. Without them it cannot live.

Franklin D. Roosevelt

What feeling confident means

Feeling confident means you are sure of your skills and ability to succeed in a task. Confidence is an internal determination or judgment of how sure you are of your skills.

Your confidence in being able to do something is based on your track record of succeeding in various similar tasks.

Lack of confidence means you aren't sure that you can complete an activity successfully.

How confidence is obtained

A person gets confidence by successfully doing something or completing a task and acknowledging that achievement. The internal acknowledgment is recorded in the mind as, "I can do this again."

Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing, at whatever cost, must be attained.

Madame Curie

"The Art of Confidence"

Athletes have long recognized a relationship between confidence and performance. Sometimes it appears that only the greatest athletes have access to that magical confidence, while all other inferior beings can only wish for it. Fortunately, this is wrong! Everyone can increase their level of confidence and perform better.

Although confidence is difficult to define, it’s usually described as thoughts, feelings and actions reflecting self-belief and expectations of success. 

Thoughts

Confident athletes entertain a rich variety of successful thoughts. The notion of failure simply never occurs during competition.

Feelings

Confident athletes believe deeply in their abilities, love challenges and feel strongly that they will prevail.

Actions

Confident athletes expect success and show it in their body language. They rarely give their opponent a confidence boost by appearing discouraged or threatened.

It’s often asked what comes first, confidence or success? Although it's true that success breeds confidence, it’s equally so that confidence increases one's probability for success. Success is never certain, but self-doubt, negativity and low expectations guarantee failure.

Belief in oneself prevents harmful distractions such as anxiety, allowing for a more efficient performance focus. Confidence also adds security during slumps and helps the athlete sustain effort. Finally, self-belief prompts athletes to set higher performance goals, as greater achievements are expected and appear more attainable.

Athletes who lack confidence worry needlessly about mistakes, lose concentration, allow dangerous levels of arousal to intrude and hasten failure by giving up. After all, there is nothing to gain by trying.

Although confidence is desired by all, there’s no replacement for competence. The most confident athlete in the world still needs skill and experience to succeed. Confidence just helps make everything go more smoothly, often providing the decisive competitive edge.

Some describe the relationship between confidence and performance as an inverted U, similar to the relationship between arousal and performance. Maintaining an optimal level of confidence is important because overconfidence or a false belief in one's ability, can also lead to reduced effort and performance.

Here are some techniques to help you develop and maintain confidence:

1.      Frequently image successful performances.

2.      Increase your level of physical fitness, as this will enhance your technique and self-image at the same time!

3.   Beat up on players slightly below your level occasionally to keep confidence alive. Some players never learn to win or develop confidence because they’re always overmatched.

4.      Make a list of your strengths. Review this list regularly to remind yourself of how great you really are.

5.      Eliminate negative thoughts and memories. When they occur, replace them with positive self-statements (e.g., "I'm at my best under pressure").

6.     Have a general strategy going into each competition. Confidence will grow as your plan is executed.

7.      Keep you head up and maintain positive body language regardless of the score. The way you act will often influence the way you and your opponent feel. Act confidently, be confident!

8.    Improve on areas of weakness in practice so that you'll have more to believe in during competition.

Effort invested in self-belief will help you reach your potential. Confidence isn’t a luxury reserved for the divine ... just another tool for success...compliments of sport psychology. Believe in yourself and prosper!

Confidence doesn't come out of nowhere. It's a result of something... hours and days and weeks and years of constant work and dedication.
 

Roger Staubach

The Path to Success:Finding the Confidence to Step Up to Key Moments

Nina Ham, CPPC, LCSW

Whether it's making a prospecting call to a promising business contact, giving an informal "elevator speech" to a networking group, or attempting to close a transaction, there are certain key moments when putting your best-dressed foot forward really matters. Some of life's fortunate people seem to be naturally at their best under this kind of pressure. The rest of us have to learn.

confidence matters

Few would argue that developing confidence is a good investment. You'll be more comfortable and therefore more motivated in your marketing efforts. It's difficult to sustain an effort over the long haul – a requirement, for successful networking and marketing if we're miserable doing it.

Furthermore, marketing and branding experts tell us that confidence is the #1 reason people buy what they buy. Where do they get confidence to try the product or service for the first time?

From you, from your confidence in what you offer.

Confidence on command

Let's say you have to make an outreach call to someone who can potentially refer you business. Stomach butterflies are on a rampage. You've scripted the call, but your voice is still flat with anxiety. How do you suddenly summon confidence?

Confidence is like one of the body's involuntary muscles. You can't make it fire on command. It either fires or it doesn't. But the smaller muscles around it, contributing to its tone and strength, are voluntary.

You can help yourself build confidence by doing the small things. You probably already have a repertoire of quick-fix confidence -builders that work for you. From my years of helping people grow, here are some of my favorites.

Practice

• Talk about your product or service, with strangers as well as acquaintances. Do it again.

• Do it frequently, whether "successful" or not. Keep the interval between short.

Don't let being awkward stop you

• Create a temporary "no fault" zone, where you goal is to do it, not do it right.

• Remember: The pool of potential contacts is infinite. There's plenty of room for practice.

Let timing help

• Capitalize on confident or successful moments to create more of them.

• There will be days when you're under a cloud. Don't try then. Letting yourself off the hook today breeds confidence that tomorrow will be better.

Tough love

• Act "as if".

• Just do it!

• Protect your environment from negativity: call a temporary moratorium on friends or family who may be envious or skeptical of your endeavor.

Seek inspiration

• Rub shoulders with someone who has exuberant confidence in you.

• Read some inspiring quotations.

• Read testimonials from your own clients.

• Watch a squirrel leap through space from a secure branch to an untested one.

Quit being mean

• Make a quick list on paper of the 5 confidence-sabotaging voices in your head. Quote them verbatim and give each one a name.

• Send them all out for a beer and while they're gone, make the call.

All of these suggestions are simple and even simple-minded. They're ways to develop the internal muscles that in turn will support the success we're reaching for.

After all, if you're to grow into a new level of success, you’ll need more than good ideas and hard work. You'll need the internal muscles to support it. Confidence is one of those qualities that can seem to vary with the weather.

Very few of us are born for success any more than we're born to bench press 300 pounds. For most, the daily work-outs, coupled with an attitude that gives generous credit for perseverance, are what qualify us to have that golden ring. I'm cheering for you!

Posted 9/7/2004 2:18 AM

Author: Confidence is vital to success

By Michelle Archer, Special for USA TODAY

Ever notice how winners tend to keep winning & losers don't? It's no coincidence, says Rosabeth Moss Kanter in Confidence: How Winning Streaks and Losing Streaks Begin and End.

Success, whether achieved by a person, a company, a team or a country breeds the confidence that it's possible to win again ... and again ... and again.

Moss Kanter, a Harvard Business School professor and prolific author, nails the definition of confidence as "the sweet spot between arrogance and despair." Arrogance, she writes, involves the failure to see any flaws; despair, the failure to acknowledge any strengths.

Confidence is so important, she argues, that it lies at the heart of civilization. Everything about an economy, a society, an organization or a team depends on it, since every step taken and every investment made is based on whether we count on ourselves and others to accomplish what's been promised.

It's a fascinating premise, adroitly presented in the first chapter, with a satisfying conclusion in the last:

The secret to winning is to try not to lose twice in a row.

Confidence heads off losing streaks because it provides resilience to bounce back from defeat to victory.

Most of this chunky book is a series of business and sports profiles, divided into 3 groups:

• Those on winning streaks
• Those on losing streaks
• Those in the tough position of trying to turn it all around

Moss Kanter's lofty business pedigree, at Harvard and as an adviser to companies, governments, schools and service groups such as IBM and the Girl Scouts assures her and her researchers access to organizations to mine for lessons on the impact of confidence.

2 examples:

University of Connecticut women's basketball team. Moss Kanter puts many athletic teams under the microscope, acknowledging that the effect of confidence in sports is readily apparent through winning or losing records.

The U Conn Huskies sprang from drawing a home crowd of roughly 50 (including janitors) to becoming perennial NCAA Division I favorites, consistently selling out home games in advance. The team has 5 national championships.

Gillette. Moss Kanter details the ups and downs of this global giant, "a near-death experience in the early 1980’s," followed by a dramatic comeback resulting in a winning streak well into the 1990’s, then another slide. Jim Kilts, the CEO, engineered another turnaround and Moss Kanter delves into what it took.

Moss Kanter's subjects are undeniably compelling, but the profiles often read like dry case studies in a management textbook. It's better, perhaps, to read it in chunks and think about the significant lessons. As Moss Kanter says, small steps, one hurdle at a time, can have a big impact. It's little things on the part of everyone that separate a win from a loss, winners from losers.

What winning behavior looks like:

Accountability. People want to share information and take responsibility; they have nothing to hide.

They seek feedback and self-improvement. Because they feel committed, they communicate more and make higher-quality decisions. They set high aspirations and respect each other for meeting high standards. They avoid excuses and try self-scrutiny before blaming others.

Collaboration. People want to work together. Mutual attraction is high, interpersonal bonds are strong and relationships are multifaceted because people take the time to know each other in a variety of settings.

People are willing to help others and give them a chance to excel. They feel a sense of belonging that makes them more amenable to taking direction from others.

Initiative. People feel what they do matters, that they can make a difference in outcomes, so they offer ideas and suggestions. Expectations of success produce the energy to put in extra effort, to keep going under pressure. People take initiative and initiative results in improvement and innovations.

overconfidence

"Why do I swing from overconfidence to feeling inadequate?"

I have a question for you; I'd be interested in your perception of the causes for my predicament. I have, since a child, been interested in taking things apart. Toys, machines, bikes, etc. I studied product design at university, gaining a first class degree and resulting in having a job interview at Lego for a job as a creative toy designer.

However, although I have an unusual ability to design, I haven't managed to focus myself properly.

While at university, I experimented with a range of illegal drugs; cannabis, ecstasy, cocaine, LSD, even heroin.

I also, was kicked out of the halls of residence. Similarly at school, I failed several subjects.

I also told the head designer Ole Christiansen that I didn't feel that I wanted to work there. I now regret many wasted opportunities in my life.

Why have I set myself back in all these ways and why do I swing from bulging overconfidence to feelings of inadequacy and depression? I suffer from extreme anxiety and lack of confidence (although friends told me of my true ability) and was physically ill during my final year at uni.

Plus I've abused a number of substances, including being a smoker and having sometimes drunk to excess. Surely, I have to identify what part of myself is causing me to do this and stop. Your advice would be appreciated.

Kind thanks, John B

Hi John - well, I think that what's going on here for you is that you have an incredible ability, as you said, to figure out how things work and to be able to put things together on the physical plane.

However, what you haven't had is the spiritual awareness to balance this off. So, you're sort of stuck on a see saw with one end constantly up in the air and one end constantly down and that balanced place in the center just doesn't happen.

You need to arrive at an understanding of how things operate on the spiritual plane, too - to use that innate and wonderful ability you have to figure out (and live by) how things work on the spiritual level, which encompasses all the rest.

There's a lot going on here for you and as I try to tune into you, I feel blocked to do so. This tells me that your energy really doesn't want, on some level, to be exposed. There's a deep fear going on for you that has you terrified to actually get to the root of these conflicts.

You're afraid of what you'll find. Each time I ask, I get a different answer as to what's going on and it's as if your energy is leading me around in circles. Sort of like what you do to sabotage whatever it is you're engaged with. Because you know so well how to take things apart, you do this very well.

You've become a master at keeping things from getting too close to you. As soon as something begins to get close to you or to work for your benefit, then you realize, perhaps unconsciously, that you will not be in chaos or turmoil anymore and if you're not in chaos, then you'll have to slow down enough and stop running & to face your fears - to face yourself, in other words.

And then, if you see that things are actually ok and working out for you, you'll have to believe that life CAN work out for you, that you're ok and loved, in effect. And that is something you don't believe, right? Isn't that the core of this whole thing, if you get down to it?

So, you keep yourself sabotaged and in chaos all the time. You following me?

We're either in Love or in Fear, when we break life down to the basic components of what's going on. You stay in fear. You're attached to being in that place, at this point, like an addiction. When we've operated out of a certain energy or pattern of behavior long enough, that is what happens.

We get addicted to feeling that way without even knowing it. But, some part of you now does realize that you don't want that anymore and so you're reaching out to find a way to break the loop. That's good!

Since fear is the absence of love, the place for you to begin is to start opening to the possibility that actually everything is all right in the universe - that you really ARE loved and that you CAN accept that.

Then you can let it show up in your life and things will be very different for you when you understand and accept that love actually does exist and does run the show. That's the spiritual awareness you lack but are seeking. You've believed for a long, long time that love doesn't exist for you.

And if love doesn't exist, if you're not loved, well then things can never go right or work out, correct? Things will always be awful. You'll always create getting the shaft somehow, the short end of the stick.

And no matter what other external substances you try to dull the pain of that, or to get you feeling better, it won't work. You create it so that nothing works out for you. You sabotage it and then you feel awful, which confirms for you that belief - the belief that says that you're not worth loving, that things don't work out for you, that love, in effect, doesn't exist for you because you don't deserve it.

Because you believe this deep down in your being, you create your world accordingly. This is what you've been terrified to face. You believe that it might be true - it might be true that you're not worth loving - so better not to go there and find out.

I think the core of this for you is that somewhere in your life, you believed that your love wasn't reciprocated or, as you interpreted it, returned to you.

Sometime or other, something happened that caused you to believe this. What was it? What happened that made you think that you weren't good enough?

Because of this, you decided that love couldn't exist for you, that you weren't worth being loved. When we don't feel we're good enough to be loved, we feel guilty because we think we're intrinsically, somehow, wrong, rotten, or bad.

We misunderstand what's going on & we come to believe, whether consciously or unconsciously, that if we were better somehow, we would have been loved.

This can develop, as you can imagine, into all sorts of terror & confusion & distortions. If we can't believe that we're good enough to be loved, what do we have to stand on? Everything becomes quicksand, a great void, or a bottomless vaccuum.

And that is how your life has felt, yes?

I think that the distortions for you also manifested as an attachment to competition & conflict. The see saw for you is that you're always trying to prove that you really are good enough, but to do that you have to also create conflict.

In other words, competiton can only exist if there's a belief that you have to prove something & you only have to prove something if you really, down deep believe that you're not ok.

This belief, when projected outward, (instead of being looked at & understood as coming from an INTERNAL belief) has you thinking that there are people out there somewhere who don't believe you're good enough. So, you rebel against this "unfairness" & pain & hurt, as you see it & get angry - but the anger is turned against yourself & you get self destructive & sabotage whatever it is you're doing.

It's sort of a reverse revenge kind of thing - by sabotaging yourself, you think that you're somehow punishing them for believing in you - It's as if you say: "See! You believed in me! Ha! I'm not worth believing in. I showed you how stupid you are for believing in me!! I know you don't REALLY believe in me because I'm not worth it! So I'll prove it to you!" And then you fail.

Even more than that, however, it's also a desperate way to try to be understood by giving others the same experience you're constantly having - you fail all the time, which hurts so you give them the experience of failing because by hiring you or trusting you, they've also failed, because it doesn't work out.

It's an unconscious way of trying to get people to see & understand what life feels like to you. It's like saying: "See! This is what I go thru all the time. Isn't it awful?!! Now maybe you understand how it feels." But, in the end, what doesn't work is that you only keep hurting yourself.

You're hurt deep down for thinking for so long that you weren't & aren't loved - but your anger is really at yourself for believing that & for having to constantly continue to experience that.

You feel victimized & helpless in the face of what appears to be the scorn or lack of love coming to you from others. But, the truth is, you yourself are the one who doesn't believe you're good enough.

Somewhere, you lost the ability to love & believe in yourself & so you keep creating situations where you fail or blow it & those experiences, in effect, continue to tell you & "prove" to you that you're not good enough.

A self fulfilling prophecy. And no matter what - if we don't love ourselves & think we're stupid or rotten in any way - we'll project that out at others & think the same thing of them. Doesn't allow much room for good feelings or relationships to happen, does it?

Just more failure & anger. Which then, of course, continues the "I'm not good enough to be loved" cycle. Got that? It's a vicious loop to be sure - but it's only a misunderstanding of Truth. This is a whole lot of deep information all at once, so you may want to take it a piece at a time & go over it bit by bit until it clicks in.

The truth is, Love is all there is & the truth is, you ARE good enough. Do you think it's possible that your soul came in this time to really get an understanding of this & that you had to create all of this other stuff, all of the distortions & failures, etc. to get you there?

To finally be able to say "This doesn't work, so I'm going to figure out what distortion & belief I'm operating out of & clear it up once & for all?

I'm going to learn about Love, that it DOES exist & I choose to believe that I AM worth Loving!" That's a pretty powerful purpose to fulfill this time around, don't you think?

Whatever you need to do to understand this & to re-frame your old belief in not - love is what you are, perhaps, really choosing to do. I'm getting that doing some shamanic work, working w/your medicine ally, or power animal, will be very useful for you.

I invite you to contact the Foundation for Shamanic Studies & take their basic course. Also, there's an Aura-Soma product that will help. It's called Sanat Kumara & Lady Venus Kumara - a pale peach essence that teaches "as above, so below" - it helps to bring the divine into the everyday. You can order this from srutisrainbow@yahoo.com.

By using it, you'll bring that vibration into yourself.

Making a strong, heartfelt intention to Spirit that you're ready & willing & will allow this belief that you're not worth loving (which is the terrifying thing that you've been afraid to face because you were afraid it was true) to be released 100% & to put in its place the belief that Love is all there is & that you're worth loving, would be a VERY important thing to do.

Many blessings on your journey - Ayal

Self confidence usually is based on how well or not so well we've done in previous situations.

This end product is how we feel about ourselves. Our self worth is based upon our previous performance. We all tend to base our own personal values on how successfully we perform in different situations & we often require perfect performance of ourselves.

If we don't live up to our perfect standards, we end up lowering our values of ourselves. We're heavily influenced by our society which values flawless performance & places great emphasis on winning & performing perfectly.

We often lose sight of the fact that we can value ourselves in spite of making mistakes. While it's only natural to care about performing as well as we can, it's also important to learn to feel good about ourselves just for who we are, mistakes & all.

It's probably good to get back to the feeling we had as children.

As children:

• we had self confidence without even questioning it
• we were valued for just being people, for just being in this world.
• the value that other people placed on us & that which we placed on ourselves had very little to do w/ how well we did or how well we performed

As adults we often believe we must continually justify our place in the world that we have to somehow prove to other people that we're worthy of their esteem & thru their eyes we can, therefore, prove to ourselves that we're really valuable.

Often we spend excessive amounts of time doing that & we lose sight of the basic fact that we are usually all right just as we are, in spite of the fact that we aren't perfect.  

How can we go about increasing our self confidence, when we find it decreasing?

There are a number of things we can do. One thing that often helps people who're feeling low, is making a list of the things that they do like about themselves.

By making a list like this we can sometimes rediscover those very likable qualities about ourselves that we often take for granted.

Another thing we can do when we're feeling low is to take some time to do something nice for ourselves, something we find enjoyment in. We can take the time to treat ourselves with fondness & kindness, as we would a dear & valued friend.

Another interesting thing is that it's easy to forget that there are things that we do well. Continued frustration or attempting things that we have difficulty with can lead to feelings of clumsiness & inadequacy.

It doesn't take long when we experience these feelings to find our self confidence seems to have decreased. One thing we might do at this time is to make a list of the things that we do well & to do one of these things on the list everyday.

It's been shown that although this method of increasing our self confidence sounds simple, it's often very effective. One of the things mentioned earlier is very important to watch out for. When our successful or our good feelings are dependent upon others approval of us, we're placing all of our value in someone else’s hands.

This means our self confidence is totally dependent on how other people feel or act toward us. This is what children do out of necessity, because they don't have the inner resources as we do as adults.

But as adults, we can begin to learn how to give ourselves confident feelings & to maintain them. Being aware of what a vulnerable thing it is to put our whole self worth into someone else’s hand, might help to avoid this pitfall.

Maintaining our self worth or self confidence might also require reminding ourselves of the things that we value in ourselves, keeping in mind those qualities we really appreciate.

Sometimes it helps going to a long & trusted friend or spouse & talking over our feelings of discouragement. In the process of talking with someone else, we might begin to recall the valuable things about us or be reminded of them by our friend.

Finally, another way to rebuild our self confidence is to try doing & risking things that we've never tried before. It's always a little bit of a challenge in doing new things & just the act of accepting these challenges, some little & some big, whether we're successful or not, often increases our confidence.

What about people who have already tried these things that were mentioned & who still have questions or concerns about their self confidence? Temporary fluctuations in our feelings of self confidence are fairly common, they happen to most of us.

However, if our self confidence is low for a prolonged period of time or our mood shifts quite often, it might be very important to seek professional help.

One thing that might be happening is that we never really developed a good, solid concept of ourselves as we were growing up & so as result, we don't have a firm, positive concept of ourselves to build on.

A mental health professional can be very helpful in our establishing a positive self image. There are mental health agencies in your community you may wish to contact if you would like to further discuss the area of self confidence.  

Every day is a new day in our life. There is much to do today. The early morning sun inspires us to start things freshly & put back our past. Only a handful of us make use of this fresh bunch of energy. In various walks of life this affects the way we behave & our confidence level.

There can be no great courage where

there is no confidence or assurance,

& half the battle is in the conviction

that we can do what we undertake.

Orison Swett Marden

Confidence at Work

• All Or Nothing Thinking.
  • "I'm a total failure when my performance isn't perfect."

If you're prepared, then you're able to feel confident.... 

Everybody could do with a bit more confidence in one or more areas of their lives, whether it's at work, in a relationship or in meeting new people.

As a result of lack of confidence we perform well below our caliber. Be it in a public speech, proposing to your beloved, at your college or in an interview or say even on the eve before your exams.

This can be due to fear of being rejected or any other reason.